Kind

A wife should be kind, especially in the difficult moments.

It is easy to be kind when someone is being kind to you, when you wake up on the right side of the bed, and it is a beautiful sunny day outside. It is far more difficult to make the choice each day to be kind to the person that knows where all your buttons are and how to push them. When married, a husband will be that person. At times he may wish to be playful and push those buttons for fun, he may be angry and choose to push those buttons out of spite. Regardless, it is important to react with gentleness and kindness.

There are people in our lives now that know how to push our buttons. They may be parents, siblings, or best friends. My brother knows how to push my buttons, luckily he is too afraid of me to do it often…or ever. I trained him well when we were children. My mom knows how to push my buttons, but often doesn’t realize she’s doing it. After I take a minute to cool off, it is easy to move past things wit her because she truly means no harm. My father can be a different story. He likes to push my buttons on purpose when he’s angry, at me, my brother, his boss, he just likes to pick at me.

It is very difficult and very sanctifying to remain kind when you know someone is purposely trying to hurt your feelings or get a rise out of you. What I usually do, but don’t recommend, is disengage, bottle up my feelings, and smile. This isn’t kindness, although many think it is. Some think being kind is about walking on eggshells around another person as to not upset them. This isn’t true kindness, and it isn’t being kind to you. You have a voice, given by God, to use to advocate for injustice. But you must speak with a gentle tone and kind words.

I would like to work on being kind, especially with my dad. First, it is important to recognize what the other person may be going through which has led them to treat you with unkind behavior or words. Second, humble yourself before that person and before God to see things from their perspective. Third, consider how Jesus would want you to respond to that person with honest loving kindness.

The people closest to us are the most challenging people to practice virtues on. They know us so well and we are comfortable enough around them to reveal our deepest self. Unfortunately for many of us, our deep self is sinful. Thankfully, we have a God in heaven who shines his grace into the hears of those who ask for more virtues like kindness and patience so that we are better equipped to love those he has placed in our path. I pray God will bless you and me with kindness, especially with those who intentionally push our buttons.

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WQ kind

Gentle

A wife should be gentle with her words and demeanor.

My mother is not gentle…at all. She always has a harsh tone in her voice. I know she doesn’t mean it, she just has an aggressive disposition. Unfortunately, I inherited this harsh edge from her. I don’t know where this comes from because my grandma is gentle. She’s tough, but gentle. I think a common misconception is that gentle means weak. I strongly disagree! One can be gentle with a toddler but when he or she hits their younger sibling, one can still discipline accordingly.

Being gentle is a disposition, a natural tendency to use a calm tone regardless of the situation and kind words even when under stress. It is a difficult thing to cultivate, but it’s something I’ve been working on for years and have actually made some improvement. Like with anything it wholly depends on God’s grace: my prayers and my cooperation. The Lord always blesses those who are trying to increase in virtue.

Part of my doesn’t want to say this because I think it may come off rude. But men are sensitive creatures. Sometimes more sensitive than women, and certainly more sensitive than they want any one to think they are. To a man who loves you, one harsh word or one aggressive tone can break his heart. Our awareness of the things we say and the way we say them is very important. We should always strive to be gentle, but not weak. Stay firm in your convictions but articulate them in a way that is sensitive to his sensitivities.

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WQ gentle

Wife Qualities: Honest

A wife should always be open with her husband, about everything. 

Wives always say, “don’t tell my I husband I spent…,” “don’t tell Dad I bought…” I even heard a woman say to a group of girls, “Use the Husband Payment Plan for your purchase today. A little cash, a little on the credit card, and a little in a check. He’ll never be able to track it.” That can’t be good! I think husbands and wives should know what the  family money is going to.

I’ve heard many couples, my parents included, that don’t make a purchase without discussing it wit their spouse if the cost is above a certain number. I like that idea because the wife doesn’t come home with Louis Vuitton luggage and the husband doesn’t come home with a 70″ flat screen. A couple should converse about big ticket items but I also think small items should also be discussed. Both people should have an understanding of the finances in the household and have the capacity to budget together. One of the great things about marriage is you have an accountability partner. Wives who choose not to tell their husbands about their spending are rejecting partnership, which is a pretty major part of marriage.

One way I’m open about my spending is I take my dad to the grocery store with me. Nearly every time I go to the bookstore (where most of my money goes), I take my brother with me. I hardly ever eat out without my mom. Because of the gift of family, we can practice being open with them in order to prepare us to be open with a husband.

Wish me luck this week…Next week will be about being gentle.

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WQ Honest

Wife Qualities: Supportive

A wife should always stand next to her husband, no matter how ridiculous the idea. 

I was watching reality TV one time and a woman was out to dinner with her husband and another couple. He had suggested some new business idea that he wanted to seriously explore, but she thought it was foolish. She shared her very strong feelings, one may even say rudely, in front of the other couple. This turned into a minor disagreement at the dinner table that was sufficient enough to make the other couple uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable and I was in my living room!

This observation got me thinking about how men really need support from their wives, especially in public. Woman is designed to be man’s helpmeet, that means standing with him. Though, it doesn’t mean allowing him to make reckless decisions. Instead, assisting him in his decision making and allowing him the space to suggest new ideas.

I’m going to work on this by supporting my family. Although I think golf is a waste of a few hours, I will not discourage my dad from taking lessons. Although I don’t care for video games and think they can waste several hours, I will support my brother and his tournaments. At times, it is best for me not to share an opinion, rather share kind words of support and love.

Wish me luck…next week is about being honest.

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WQ supportive

Wife Qualities: Quiet

A wife should spend less time talking and more time listening.

I hate seeing women talk and talk and talk and their husbands are completely disengaged. I used to think the men were just being rude, then it happened with my dad and I. I was complaining about some annoying friend for the 100th time and his eyes glazed over. At first I was mad, then I realized he has much better things to worry about than me whining about someone getting on my nerves.

I, of course, didn’t notice this right away, it was more like a week later. I saw him itching to tell my mom about his day, but her story went on forever! When have the tendency to turn 5 minutes into 50 very easily and poor men have to patiently wait for us to get to the point. Fortunately, her story ended and he was able to tell her about his day.

All this observation got me thinking about how men tease women all the time for talking so much. Wouldn’t it be greatif we took some time to listen to them rather than forcing them to listen to us? Sure, it’s easier said than done. But like all qualities, it’s going to take some practice. Therefore, this week I’m going to work on being quiet. I will not share the first thing that pops into my head, rather, I will think before I speak. Before Mom and Dad get home, I will plan my days highlights that I want to share. Most importantly, I will listen attentively when my family speaks, and respond appropriately. Short and sweet!

Wish me luck…next week is about being supportive!

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WQ Quiet

Wife Qualities Introduction

In Chapel yesterday, I was thinking about marriage. It is my desire to one day be a wife and mother, so I like to think of this time of singleness as prep time. I decided to make a list of some of the qualities I think a wife shovel have based on my observations of the relationships around me. In about 30 minutes I came up with a list of 17 qualities! I then decided I should make details in the list and share them with all of you. My hope is that each week I will be able to grow in a specific area of my character in order to become a bette wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I look forward to sharing this journey!

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