I have entered into a season of sloth. This has happened before, and I dread it. When it does happen, it is because my heart has turned cold and hard toward the Lord. Generally I stop going to Church, stop praying and stop reading my bible. Sometimes I enter these seasons because life is too busy or worse, because my prayers aren’t being answered like I want. My relationship with God should be one of love, true, deep, powerful love that is self-sacrificing. This, at times, is more difficult than others. I’m in one of those times.
One of my greatest tools is the Mass. Even though I don’t really want to go, I know that there is an abundance of grace the Lord is waiting to shower on me in Mass. I like to think about God’s grace being a pitcher of water and my soul being the cup. He is always filling my cup with water but at times, I put a lid on my cup. When the lid is screwed on, I know my spiritual life is in trouble. Sometimes it’s just sitting on top and some drips of the grace Christ offers manages to get in. When my heart is directed toward him, my cup has no lid and it waits patiently and expectantly for the mercy and grace the Lord has to offer. During Lent last year, Father Smiles said, we all need to go to the sacrament of mercy, which is Reconciliation. I think Eucharist is the sacrament of grace. Although there is a lid on my cup, I am seeking God’s grace is the Mass. I know that if there is anything that will get me out of this pit, it’s frequent reception and regular visits to the Blessed Sacrament.
Our Lord knows we hurt and he hurts when we hurt. He desires us to be with him in heaven so that we may experience eternal peace and joy. While we are here on earth he gives us glimpses of that peace and joy. It is our responsibility to go to him and embrace the gifts he gives. I must allow him to turn my stone heart into a heart of flesh; I must allow him to turn my cold heart into a heart on fire for him.
It is in these seasons that I remember what life was like before him. I was cold, empty, and useless. My life served no purpose, I was alone and unloved…or so I felt. After Christ poured is mercy upon me, I came to know where my dignity, self-worth, and identity come from. I am a princess of the King of kings, I am a daughter of the Most High, and I am a creature made in the image of the Creator of the universe. In my seasons of slothfulness, I have to remember where I’ve been so I can know where I’m going. The Father wants all of us with him and is seeking to draw us near to him always. At times, our own pride gets in the way of him just like the lid on the cup prevents the pouring in of the water. The key is to get the lid off.
Frequenting the sacraments is vital. I don’t want to go to Mass, I don’t want to have a holy hour, and I don’t want to go to Confession. But I do it anyway. I know that if I stop seeking him, I’ll stop finding him and I will fall back into hopelessness. I have a savior, I have love, I have someone who waits for me all day everyday in every tabernacle in every Catholic Church around the world. I have someone that calls my name constantly so that I will find him. In this season of slothfulness I don’t despair because I know seasons end. One day my prayer will once again be fruitful, I will have a heart that is connected to the Immaculate Heart of Mary Most Holy and directed toward the Sacred Heart of Jesus Most High. I know the Holy Spirit is guiding me home to God every moment so I need not despair. Seasons end, why not let this season end today?
Have a sparkly day!